Spring has sprung and family bbq’s and gatherings are around the corner! In this season of family and stork deliveries, the “baby pass around” can get out-of-hand. As a mama who’s not keen on everyone holding her baby, I wanted to share my story with you, because it’s okay not to have your kids passed around like a platter of watermelon.
I was lucky enough to have both of my children during Covid. Yup, lucky. If the pandemic had not shaken up how we gather with friends and family, I would have never been comfortable creating strong boundaries around who holds my kids, especially my newborns.
As a first time mom, I felt pressured and pushed by some family to automatically give permission to hold my daughter. I wanted to be a good daughter-in-law, so I caved. But, this was a mistake.
Just in case, my secret identity is revealed, I won’t call out anyone directly, but some people just don’t know how to safely hold children. I drew the line when a former parent tried to lift my newborn straightup by her arms. I immediately stepped in, but not before my daughter let out a heart-stopping screech. She was fine. I was not. The trust had been broken.
After a successful second delivery, I put my “big girl pants on” and was ready for the inevitable “baby showing.” This time the “sure, you can hold him”s were replaced by the “I’m not ready”s. Because, honestly, I was not ready. I wanted more time to bond with my son. I was too tired and already in a battle zone, trying to survive (again). But most importantly, I did not have the extra energy to spend playing “whack-a-mole,” figuring out which of my family and friends, who I love dearly, did not know how to safely hold a kid but still asked.
I can tell you I was truly at peace with my second, and he has had no problem being held as an infant. My first on the other hand still does not like to sit on people’s laps or hug people. And yes, I do think part of this difference is because she knew I wasn’t at peace with handing her over. So, Mamas and Papas, you do you! Don’t feel pressured to go beyond what your gut says is best for your child.
A very important factor to successfully maintaining your boundaries is the support you have with your partner. I was a bit extra but my husband never pressured me and 100% supported my feelings. Which was honestly a pivotal point in our transition to parenthood and two going to four.
If you want to hear my excuses to avoid handing off my kid: Things I did to avoid people asking.
Things I Did to Avoid People Asking Me to Hold My Baby